Under pressure from fed-up residents, RAs at the Jensen residence hall at Audacity College announced today that Jensen would no longer be admitting refugees from the ongoing wild party at neighboring Bankus hall. The party originated on September 14th in the third floor common room of Bankus Hall with four guys and three girls hanging out together and eating doritoes, but when one resident opened a case of beers, the party began to escalate. On the fifteenth, it had spread to the entire third floor and was creeping down the stairs, and marijuana use began to intensify. Campus Public Safety was called, but decided that the party was not quite worth making a scene over. However, they did make a definitive, with the head of CPS saying, "A red line for us is we start seeing a whole bunch of cocaine moving around or being utilized." At this point, Bankus had already become so vomit-encrusted and unlivable that less wild residents began fleeing to neighboring res halls. On the sixteenth, the party grew to fully dominate the two upper floors, and that night, the first evidence came out of cocaine use.

CPS immediately began preparing to close down the party, but an agreement was reached in which the party could continue as long as the party turned over all the cocaine and super-promised not to use anymore. Reports have since indicated that cocaine use didn't even slow down, but at this point CPS was afraid to touch another Bankus Hall quagmire after what had happened the last time they had tried to shut down a party. Students from other res halls, and even as far away as University of Rockettopia, began to pour into Bankus to participate in the party, leading to even more refugees making the dangerous trek across Tower Terrace to the safety of Jensen.

That brings us to today, when in response to the dozens of Bankus residents who now appeared to be living in their hall, the Jensen RAs declared that no further refugees from the Bankus party would be allowed in. This has drawn massive criticism from student rights groups, who have insisted that Jensen has a moral obligation to accept those fleeing from the Bankus party because they just want to get some goddamn sleep. However, some students, especially in Jensen, have expressed fears that these so-called "refugees" could be undercover partiers who might spread the party to Jensen. We will keep you posted as this story continues, which is something that I actually mean this time.