The Rockettopia High School Investigative Club, also known as the Paranoia Club, today announced their new campaign to convince the school that Angry Birds
is a front for Al-Qaeda. On past occasions the Paranoia Club has attempted to alert the school that the moon landings were fake, that the CIA assassinated JFK,
that the government brought down the world trade center, and most recently, that the government brought down the Sears Tower. Whenever someone points out that the
Sears Tower (Now called Willis Tower) is still standing, the Paranoia Club responds, "That's what THEY want you to think!"
The Paranoia club points out that Angry Birds is about flying things into towers to destroy them and kill things, which is basically what Al-Qaeda does. And now that you think about it, that does make sense... And if you add up the scrabble values for the letters in "Angry Birds", you get the same number as the scrabble value for "Al-Qaeda"! And that number is 99, which is 9 times 11! And if you take the first word in the Koran that starts with each letter in "Angry Birds" and mash them together...
NO! I'M NOT CRAZY! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
[Okay, we got him off.] With the Paranoia Club's new press, we decided to interview the president of the Paranoia Club about his club's actions. "We don't
necessarily agree on everything. We have conservative conspiracy nuts, liberal conspiracy nuts, creationists, Scientologists, birthers, 9/11 Truthers, Autism
Vaccine People, and all sorts of others.", she told us. "We try not to argue about our differing views on what organization is controlling the world and what
they're doing. We all work together to stop the abstract 'Other' that is definitely out to get us."
Since their announcement about Angry Birds, the Paranoia club has seen a huge spike in membership. All of the fifteen new recruits will now have to be tested to make sure they're not robots.