Multiple eyewitness reports from yesterday have independantly reported Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus speaking to a group of shady figures in a dark Washington D.C. alleyway. Priebus, who was reportedly acting "extremely distressed", reportedly showed the figures a photograph of some sort and told them, "This guy has got to be stopped. Stop him at all costs and we'll make it worth your time. And make it look like an accident, will ya?"

One of the shady figures, speaking with a heavy eastern-european accent, reportedly replied, "Zat ees a person? To me zat looks more like a deformed potato covered in funny yellow mold."

Another man chimed in, "Looks like mummified - how do you say? - orange. Vith dead grass on top."

"Ees old voman vith bad hair dye."

"No! Ees unfortunate victim of multiple spraypaint accident!" Eyewitnesses report that this remark was followed by the shady figures chuckling deeply to each other, while Priebus stood by awkwardly, eventually handing the men an unmarked envalope and walking quietly away.


Definately not some of my best work.