Renowned actor[citation needed] Sean Penn announced today that, in preparation for his new upcoming movie Angry Birds, he will continue his illustrious career in journalism by interviewing the hero who provided the inspiration for the film. The hero in question being, of course, Osama bin Laden. After being informed that bin Laden is dead, and has been for some time, Penn reportedly responded "That's what THEY want you to think!", and proceeded to begin interrogating a waterlogged corpse that he had been keeping in a crate. After a few days of bin Laden's corpse failing to respond to questions with anything other than a growing stink, Penn was forced to admit that bin Laden was either dead or very unintrested in answering questions.

Penn then travelled to Pakistan to interview bin Laden's successor, Ayman al-Zawahiri. However, Zawahiri refused to meet with Penn, citing the actor's record of destroying things that he was involved with. When asked if he was referring to Penn's interview with Joaquin 'el Chapo' Guzman, which resulted in Guzman's arrest by Mexican authorities, Zawahiri clarified that he had meant The Gunman, Pauly Shore is Dead, and Gangster Squad, but he supposes that the Guzman incident was bad too.

In Angry Birds, an upcoming film that presents an allegory for the September 11th, 2001 attacks from the perspective of the terrorists, Penn plays a large red bird named Terrance who basically just grunts angrily. In the allegory, he probably represents either Saddam Hussein or Dick Cheney, but that's still unclear. Terrance may also just be Sean Penn being himself.

Angry Birds stars Jason Sudekis, Josh Gad, and Danny McBride as the titular angry birds. When the birds are provoked by some fat, decadent pigs, they stage an all-out assault on the pig infrastructure using themselves as projectiles. In the game which inspired the film, the rage-fueled birds sacrifice themselves in sometimes-explosive suicide attacks, killing thousands of unarmed pigs. The pig leader's referance to 'nucular weapons' also strongly suggests a real-world analogy.

Angry Birds is scheduled to be released on May 20th, 2016.