As college life is set to resume over the next few days, students and professors have been quivering with anticipation and terror, respectively. But no one, not even the local bartenders who are currently crouching behind barstool barracades with shotguns, are quite as excited as Rockettopia's new batch of STDs. Sexuallly transmitted diseases and infections from around the world, both returning veterans and new arrivals, are thrilled to return to the endless extravaganzas that are University of Rockettopia and Audacity College.

One returning syphilis infection told News from Rockettopia, "I'm really excited to be back! Last sememster I got to switch hosts fifteen times, and just before it was time to leave I ended up with this Sigma Alpha Epsilon brother. Back in Conneticut, I got to infect so many of his childhood friends - it was such a blast. I can't wait to get back to school, though!"

The excitement was not limited to returning diseases; newcomers showed just as much excitement, like this chlymidia we talked to. "Until recently, my life was really boring; I was living on a koala who played a lot of D&D, so no action there. But then, one day, this guy comes along with this strange intrest in koalas, and long story short, here I am! All the other diseases on this guy have told me all about this 'University of Rockettopia' place, and I can't wait to experiance it for myself! There must be so many new koalas!"

Some diseases will have to contend with students who may have acquired new immunities, but an HPV virus we spoke to didn't seem too concerned. "Sure, some people will be vaccinated, but not many, and there's always danger in life," the virus told us. "There will always be plenty of hosts to give cancer to."

Please fuck responsibly.