Speaking at a press conference today, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer firmly and unoquivically denied that Chief Strategist Steve Bannon is forming a private milita to do his will. "The Chief Strategist has no personal army in training. There is no such thing," Spicer told the assembled reporters while eating a stick of gum. "Bannon does not have some kind of personal gaurd practicing walking like a certain kind of waterfowl. There are not, at this very moment, trying on their new reddish-greenish upper-body-wear." Spicer paused to swallow his gum and pop another stick into his mouth. "So, to reiterate, Bannon has no private security force of young, angry men loyal to him personally. You can stop asking now!"

Spicer then concluded the conferance without taking questions.