A local Trump rally held in Rockettopia two nights ago had some unusual guests: A team of Psychologists from the University of Rockettopia. The team, which included two tenured professors, five associate professors, and fifteen grad students, reportedly came to study the behavior of the mentally deranged. They were accompanied by six sociologists studying the American electorate, four of whom have since been admitted to the Mary Mallon Hospital suffering from severe alcohol poisoning. We pray for a speedy recovery. Most of the psychological team made it through Trump's security, mostly by spouting racist gibberish and doing the Hitler salute, but two were turned away for looking "too foreign". The police officers on duty refused the Trump campagin's demand that grad students Steve Gomez and Hassan Russert be imprisoned, and have also since been admitted to Mary Mallon Hospital for alcohol poisoning.
The remaining members of the team had the pleasure of watching the Donald speak, only occationally inturrupted by rational people pointing out that he is batshit crazy. Trump went on for hours about illegal immigrants, terrorists, illegal immigrant terrorists, inexplicably, laser velociraptors from Venus. Trump stopped occationally to suggest physical violence against those who dare speak out against him, but otherwise wasted no time on anything other than racist, lunatic vitriol. According to Dr. Richard Morris, the Trump "Seems to have an oddly personal vendetta against anyone who does not resemble himself both physically and ideologically."
But what the team from U of R were really intrested was the Trump supporters. "Trump may be lying to gain support from these people - that's what politicians do," associate professor Dianne Swann told us. "But these people who go to his rallies are completely genuine." After sorting through a few dozen morbidly curious liberals and horrified moderates, the team finally got to talk to a genuine Trump voter, who identified himself only as Jim the Toolshed. According to Jim, "Those furreners are coming and taking over our country, and Trump's the only man who can stop us. Look at us: Our president's a Muzlum, our vice-president's also a Muzlum, our congress is filled with Muzlum, the supreme court is all Muzlum, even our military as full of them! You're probably Muzlum too! Wait, am I a Muzlum? What if I'm a Muzlum! How can I tell?" At this point, Jim the Toolshed hoisted an AR-15, and the team felt compelled to retreat. The professors told News from Rockettopia that it was against their policy to comment on such specific psychological cases, but the students had no such compunctions. Annie Swift, who is now writing her Ph.D thesis on those with a deep disconnect with reality, told us that Jim the Toolshed appeared to have "A screw loose". Her friend Mark Miller chimed in and called Jim "Unhinged". At this point Nate Jensen added his two cents, that Jim was "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer," to which Annie responded that Jim had seemed like "A plank short of an outhouse", to which Mark replied that Annie was "Trying too hard with that last pun", leading Annie to tell Mark that he "Certainly hadn't been trying too hard last night," at which point Nate and our reporter exchanged looks and quietly left as Mark and Annie continued to bicker.
Other subjects were also interviewed by the U of R team, and were described by Dr. Morris as "Generally the kind of people I find in padded rooms making dolls out of their own hair." One man was convinced that his cat was a meexican ISIS agent and had implanted a chip in his brain. Another seemed to believe that the Department of Transportation was monitering her every move. Still another simply spouted something about "the negro", and wandered off to accuse a tree of being an illegal immigrant. The aforementioned Ph.D student Annie Swift called them "excellant material". It was, by all accounts, quite a night.